In retrospect, what I should have done

I looked down at my left arm and saw a white piece of fluff taking a nap on the sleeve of my blue and black button-down. I flicked it off without thinking. The woman next to me, a brown-eyed businesswoman with closely cropped hair and a fuzzy white sweater, saw the act and stared at me without trying to hide her disdain. Intrigued, I stared back.

“What?” I asked after a nearly five second eye lock.

Her gaze snapped down towards my sleeve before re-locking on my eyes.

“What?” I asked again, wanting her to verbalize what she was thinking.

“You brushed your arm off on my papers,” she said, pointing to the stapled print out in her hands. I saw the words “Nextel,” “environment,” and “delivery.”

“There was dirt on my sleeve,” I said. Then, without wanting to, I said sorry and turned my attention away.

Only after I’d apologized did my synapses fire and force me to see the connection. White fuzz on my sleeve. Fuzzy white sweater on the princess sitting next to me. You seeing what I didn’t?

What I should have said, what I’d like to think I would have said if I was quick enough would be something like this:

“Damn right I brushed my arm off on your papers. And you know what? It’s not a big deal. When your sweater lint invaded my space I didn’t give you a death stare and act all high and mighty because your shirt needed to shed. I just brushed it off. I sent it back a little closer to where it came from. Don’t like it? Don’t wear that sweater.”

That would’ve been sweet.

trying to break the block

i'm trying hard to make words come to play,
but none of them will give me time of day.
when i get close they always run away —
i'm dynamite with wet and useless fuse.

i need to break this ceiling that i've found.
it keeps my feet stuck firmly on the ground,
and absorbs every feebly muttered sound —
i need to search until i find my muse.

why downloading movies is wrong

Let's face it, downloading movies off the internet is a practice that won't ever be stopped. For every measure the industry comes up with to deter piracy, there are 3 or 4 counter-measures that will pop up almost immediately.

Executives and producers cry foul, claiming the public is stealing money from their pockets. But who cares? It's not like these guys are starving on the streets. I'd say, even with all the downloading, they're doing pretty alright for themselves.

But what about the actors? What about the struggling souls who need those DVD residuals to live on? Should we feel bad for them and stop downloading because they, unlike the big-wigs, truly need the money? McLovin thinks we should:

unassuring reassurance

"What's with the frown?"
I heard her say.
"The sky's so blue
but you're so gray."

I turned to her
and with a grin
said, "yeah, the sun's
kissing my skin,

"I see the clouds
and hear the birds
and here you are
with cozy words.

"But I reach out,
you turn your back.
Our fracture's now
a growing crack.

"I want so bad
to bridge the rift
but I feel you've
enjoyed the shift."

She holds me tight
with eyes ablaze,
"You think I like
this stupid maze?

"You think I like
this way we've grown?
Your fears, absurd!
They're overblown.

"We can't go back
from where we came.
You've got to know
we lost that game.

"But why can't we
begin anew?
Right here is me,
right there is you."

And then, so soft,
she took my hand,
said, "there's still time,
there's still more sand.

"Tomorrow may
be what we need
to right the ship
and pick up speed

"But for right now
there's just no way,
let's set sights on
another day."

I shook my head
and laughed and sighed,
sent silent words
up to the sky.

Meeting her gaze,
I tried to see
if she'd ever
want more of me.

But I'd been fooled
times in the past
by smiles and looks
that have been cast.

"I'm here for you,"
I said, so sad,
"your mind's the best
I've ever had."

"I love yours, too,"
she sadly said,
then placed a hand
behind my head.

She stroked my hair
and cooed real low,
"we've many miles
still to go."

in the green top

another approaches and smiles at me
so i force one back just polite as can be

she tells me her name and then asks me for mine
so i make one up just to help pass the time

she flirts and i blink then she winks and i think
i'm tired of her and could use a new drink

she does all the things that a woman should do
but i walk away cause she's simply not you

fixing the resolution system

It's the same thing every New Year's — friends, food, drinks and resolutions. It's a time honored system that's practiced by billions. It spans borders and cultures, genders and generations.

And nobody questions it. I certainly don't. Or didn't. But that's changing. I'm starting a revolution. Care to join?

From here on out I refuse to make New Year's resolutions. Hear me out:

Logic says the calendar is turning over a new leaf so we should do the same. Start exercising. Quit smoking. Do whatever it takes to build a newer and better you. And I applaud this. Truly, I do. Trying to improve yourself is never an exercise in futility, even if you're unsuccessful. The desire is admirable. It's the follow through that's off.

But why is that?

Why are New Year's Resolutions so hard to keep?

Maybe because our bodies know better. Maybe our bodies and brains know that even though we're saying it's a new year, it is, in fact, just a transition from one day to the next.

So when does the New Year really start? When is the appropriate time to step back and say, "Another year gone. Another chance to make it all right"?

Birthdays.

Birthdays are the true measure. They're unique to us and demarcate the point when you can truly say another year has passed, when you can look inward and outward and plot a course for change.

That's why, two days ago, as I celebrated another birthday, I made resolutions for the New Year.

Some are practical and some are laughable. Wishful thinking blends masterfully with stark determination and goals, though lofty, have been set.

I'm unsure if the resolutions will be kept. After all, it's so much easier to let the current carry you than to paddle against it. But I'm optimistic things will change. After all, this is the first time I'm doing it right.