Bye-Bye Bad Memories!

Therapy, while expensive, is not guaranteed to be the cure for what ails you. No matter how much mental poking and prodding you endure, some memories will stay repressed, forever haunting you from some hidden room in your mind. And what about the things you remember? The people and events that you want to forget but can't? Wouldn't it be nice if you could just chase all these memories away?

Well, friends, thanks to modern science's ability to keep pumping out new pills for old ailments, you can!

That's right! You can now achieve in one pill what entire bottles of vodka are powerless to do. Want to forget about that bully in third grade who made you eat dirt? Done! Has an uncle's inappropriate hug at your cousin's birthday party turn you into an asexual introvert? Erase that hug forever!

This got me thinking: If I could erase bad memories, which ones would I kick to the curb?

I'd start with my performance in "South Pacific" for my 8th grade peers. Now, don't get me wrong, I was a kick-ass Emil De Becque. Maybe the finest since Ezio himself. But puberty stepping into the spotlight and making my voice crack while I'm belting out "Some Enchanted Evening"? I can do without that, thank you very much.

I'm not really too sure what I'd target next, but I'd definitely forget 2 Girls 1 Cup before all was said and done.

Another Thing I Wonder About

Again, not something I see myself doing, but I wonder how someone would react if I picked up their litter and handed it back to them.

One time, while walking west on Houston St. with Jamie and a couple of other people I can't remember (apologies if one of them was you), a guy walking in front of us dropped his paper plate on the ground so that he could have both hands free to handle his piece of pizza. Jamie was not pleased.

"Hey," she said, her words unleashing a series roundhouse kicks, "you gonna pick that up?"

He spun around and spoke some Chuck Norris of his own.

"Why don't you pick it up?"

Their voices rose and more verbal karate ensued. In the end, both ended up a little pissed off and the plate was left to fend for itself.

She didn't mean to be rude about it. Littering just really gets her goat. I mean, she doesn't even buy into Dave's theory that it's not littering if you place your garbage on the ground instead of dropping it. That's how you know she's serious.

Still, I wonder what would happen if I took a different approach in a similar situation. What if I treated someone dropping their garbage on the street with the same urgency I'd treat someone who dropped their keys or their wallet?

"Hey!" I'd yell to get their attention as I bent over to pick up their discarded item. Then, with garbage in hand, I'd jog a bit to catch up to them.

"You accidentally dropped this," I'd say with my hand outstretched and my words dripping honey.

What would the person do? Would they thank me and take the garbage back? Would they mutter under their breath and turn away? Maybe call me an unkind name and shake their head is disgust? And what, then, would happen to me? I'd be stuck standing there holding someone else's garbage. That's what.

Well, worse comes to worse I could always just bend down and place it back on the floor.

Just something I wonder about

It's not something I'd ever do. Honest. But that doesn't mean I can't be curious about it.

You know when you're driving fast on the highway and you pass somebody who's driving in the middle lane? You know how sometimes you look over and they're looking back, and you lock eyes for a brief second?

Well, what would happen if you smile at that precise second and jerk the wheel hard to the right?

What kind of face would the driver make? Would he be angry? Surprised? Scared?

Like I said, it's not something I'd ever do. But I'm real curious how it would end up.

I've tried

I've tried to drown you out with drink
but still you're in my head.
I've washed the sheets a dozen times
but still you're in my bed.

I've tried to look the other way
but still you're in my sights.
I've kept my mind engaged all day
but still you rule my nights.

I've tried to walk down roads brand new
but still my feet won't move.
I've tried to find a brand new beat
but still I'm in your groove.

It's not that I have failed to try,
it's that I failed to pass you by.